Hawaii

I've been here for a week now and have been busy looking for a job, setting up my room and playing with the twins. I am so grateful once again to have them near. Just after I placed they saved me and again, they are saving me.
Angie took me to the airport with Bubba and Ike. I cried as I said goodbye. Bubba cried too, which made it harder. Angie and I hugged and cried and on the plane I cried. I have had some hard times but I have the twins and pictures of Bubba. Oh how I miss that family.

I really hate not having a job. And I'm not a good job getter. Most of my jobs have been given to me by people I know, so this search, NOT FUN!

I gave my phone an ice bath for about 5 minutes and he drowned so now I don't have a way to instantly connect with the world. I've been getting up really early, 5 am or so, and would use my phone to put me back to sleep. Now, it's going to be boring.

I really do love it here and can't wait to start the adventure.

It's Almost Time

and by that, I mean, it's almost time for me to move. I have been here at the house cleaning and finishing up the packing and shipping. It's been really hard to motivate myself because I know if I finish, it will be time to go. But I also know that if I don't finish, it will still be time to go. Steve and Angie came out twice this past week to help get me motivated and to help move some of the big stuff to the storage unit. I am so blessed to have this family who didn't have to be a part of my life, but chose too, and who loves me and wants me to succeed., even if it means moving across the ocean for a few years.

Funny moving story...
I still have Bubba's bassinett from when I had him for the two weeks. My mom had asked me if I wanted to let it go yet and I said no. With all of the changes and everything going on right now, I just couldn't bring myself to let it go yet. I put it in the shed, behind the house, and would see it when I went out there and remember back to the two weeks I was a mommy. I loved it! I know I probably won't ever use it again and for the next couple of years it is going to be in storage but....it's one of my treasures. Sorry...I'm rambling. Steve and I loaded up the truck and headed to the storage unit on Power and Rittenhouse. We got to Cloud Rd. and Steve realized something fell out. I had a feeling it was the bassinett but didn't say anything. We turned around and he darted through some traffic to save the fallen item. When he got back in I asked him what fell out and he said, "A walker or something." I knew it was the bassinett. I told him it was Bubba's and that I couldn't part with it yet. (Now, I did not tell him this to make him feel bad or anything like that. I told him because I thought it was a little funny that that is what fell out.) So, we continue driving to the storage unit. We get there and as I am unlocking both of the units, Steve says, "OH NO! It fell out again!!" I just had to laugh!!!!!!  He felt so dang bad and I felt bad that he felt bad!  I told him it was okay and that I probably would never use it again. The only part that had fallen out was the metal frame of the bed. I had taken it apart and put the little pad and mobile and whatnots in a bag, that didn't fall out.  I really was okay without it! When we were done putting all of the stuff in the units, he said, "OK, now we are on a mission! I think I know where it fell out." So on the way back he slowed down near Rancho Jardines and TAH-DAH!!!! Sitting right there was the frame! I was so happy! It made me chuckle that we lost it TWO times within a mile!!!!


I keep telling myself that I can come back and visit and we can always Skype if we want to/need to talk. I love this family and wouldn't change anything that has happened in the last 2 years for anything!

This is why I do it

I have been planning this post for a bit. Well, actually about a month now. My mom and I have decided to move to Hawaii. Mom is going at the end of January and I am going in early March. I am so excited to go and have a new adventure but....this cute little man and his family are the reason it's going to be so hard.

This was at my birthday celebration. Ike was only about 2 weeks old.


One of our Family Home Evening parties with the whole family. It was in October and I had told them that it was the Halloween FHE where everyone dresses up. It wasn't. They were good sports about it and came in anyways. I loved their outfits. Zad and Ike were adorable dogs from
"Go, Dog, Go"


This is one of my most favorite pics of all time. He just needs a little motorcycle and a tat that says mom and dad.


I have seen my sweet birthson, Zadok, and his wonderful family several times a month since he was born. I have gone on vacation with them, I have had Zad spend the night at my house for several days while his momma and daddy went "out of town" (Scottsdale) for their anniversary, I have gone over for dinner, and just because they missed me! I have gone to a family wedding and they have come to our family parties and I have gone to the hospital with them and waited to find out why he wasn't feeling well.

I had the opportunity to be involved in the sealing of this precious angel baby to his mother and father. What a wonderful experience it was. Some of my family was able to be there as well. Most of my family, about 50-60 of them, were at Zadok's blessing. My brother-in-law, Kali, participated in the blessing.

Steve, Bubba and Kali

Drew and Dustin

The day I "interviewed" Steve and Angie, I had told them that I would like to see the baby when he was sealed and blessed, his baptism, when he was leaving for mission and then maybe when he got married. Never in ten million years did I expect to see him as often as I have. I have been so blessed through my adoption process and have truly felt their love for me.

Through the last, almost, two years, there have been many "coincidences" with my family and theirs. It has been said that there are no coincedences in adoption. I truly believe that. There are too many things that we have in common to be coincedences. These little treasures reassure me that placing Bubba for adoption was the right thing to do.

Finalization Day

Placement Night, February 2, 2009

This past week I had my first negative experience from a nay sayer of open adoption. He brought me to tears! I had never had anything negative said to me about adoption before and it really hurt. Let's just say that this man thinks he knows everything. In other words, he has the mental capacity of a 17 year old boy. When I went back in and sat down, I was thinking of all the different things I could say to him and call him. In the end, I just ignored him. I had to for the sake of my Christianity. I love how open my adoption is. It has tremendously with the pain and grief of the loss that I experienced. The loss being, me being a mother to my baby, Quinton Paul. I am so happy that Steve and Angie were able to find their baby, Zadok Paul.

Zad also became a BIG brother! Isaac James was born in June and is oh so loved by his brother. Not to mention his mommy and daddy!

I just love this pic of him. It was taken on Valentine's Day 2010.

As I try to prepare myself for this move, I have to keep telling myself that I can always come back and see this family that I so dearly love. People keep asking me what is going to happen, how am I going to deal with not seeing him, are you afraid?

I don't know, I don't know and YES!


But, I'll make it. The Lord wants me over in Hawaii right now and who am I to argue with his plan. He had the plan of adoption ready for Zad and I, and now, he has another plan.


To be continued...

Going Private

So in about a week I will be going private. There are too many people that can get up in my business that I deleted from my life when I placed. They weren't supportive of me and they don't need to know about my life or about how wonderful Bubba's is. If you would like to still read my blog, leave your email address.

changes

So many big changes happening at once. I'm not okay with changes. I never have been. The adoption was a HUGE change in my life, but somehow it was ok. These changes coming up are scary. Really scary for me. I know for a fact that I need to go but it's gonna be hard.

I WON!

I failed to mention earlier that I had won the Swag Bag from Boutique in the Barn!!!! Here's all of my sweet loot!

Well...the 2 flowers and 3 bows on the right that are on the white cards, I bought those. But I did get a "Bloom" from Megan who has the Ruby Jane Boutique on etsy.com.


A lot of it is for little girls, like the apron and some of the flowers so when I go to Hawaii, little Monica will get it.

Boutique in the Barn

Come out and see what this is all about! Last year there were quite a few vendors who had some awesome things!

http://www.boutiqueinthebarn.com/

Several of the vendors are hoping to adopt and your purchase will help this awesome cause!