Going Private

So in about a week I will be going private. There are too many people that can get up in my business that I deleted from my life when I placed. They weren't supportive of me and they don't need to know about my life or about how wonderful Bubba's is. If you would like to still read my blog, leave your email address.

changes

So many big changes happening at once. I'm not okay with changes. I never have been. The adoption was a HUGE change in my life, but somehow it was ok. These changes coming up are scary. Really scary for me. I know for a fact that I need to go but it's gonna be hard.

I WON!

I failed to mention earlier that I had won the Swag Bag from Boutique in the Barn!!!! Here's all of my sweet loot!

Well...the 2 flowers and 3 bows on the right that are on the white cards, I bought those. But I did get a "Bloom" from Megan who has the Ruby Jane Boutique on etsy.com.


A lot of it is for little girls, like the apron and some of the flowers so when I go to Hawaii, little Monica will get it.

Boutique in the Barn

Come out and see what this is all about! Last year there were quite a few vendors who had some awesome things!

http://www.boutiqueinthebarn.com/

Several of the vendors are hoping to adopt and your purchase will help this awesome cause!

long time no see

so, i have been m.i.a. AGAIN. i've been going crazy with cake orders, the adoption conference, trying to find an internship, planning a move to hawaii in january and working full time at the trophy shop. i've had so much fun these past couple of months and now i'm winding down. i will get pics and what nots up soon for all you people who don't stalk me. :)

BFF

I just wanted to let everyone know how much I love the Owensby Family. They have grown by two since February 2009 and I love it! Steve and Angie have been so awesome to not only me, but my entire family. They have taken me in as a part of thier family and have supported me in all of my decisions. My visits with them make my hard days easier to deal with. Now that Zadok is a BIG brother to Isaac, it's so fun to see the curiosity in Z. He loves Ike so much and I know that Z had some great connections with him when they were both up in heaven.

Zadok is getting to be so big. He likes to try to do things himself and gets upset if he can't. Everytime he sees me, he gets a HUGE grin on his face, holds his arms out and if I don't pick him up right then, he gets mad. When I pick him up, he lays his head on my shoulder and sighs several times and then gives me kisses. Oh! How I love it!

I am so thankful for the openness that I have in this adoption and the comfort that I get from it. Angie and I talk to each other about everything under the sun. She knows all that is not going on in my "love life" and when I actually do get one, she will know all about that too. We have fun hanging out on Wednesdays and playing with the boys.

I couldn't be happier that Zad and I found his mommy and daddy and that they were prepared to have him in their home in 24 hours. The whole process was a modern day miracle and I'm glad I was, and still am, a part of it.

Too Much Stuff

I have been so busy with school and work and then BOTH of the computers crashed on us. So I sit here at work waiting to go home early and typing to you.

June 19th

I volunteered to help with the Top Chef Tour in Phoenix. There were 3 students and a Chef from my school and then the two Top Chef Stars, Ryan and CJ. We were all in the back of a very hot, very small trailer with a kitchen. At times there were 10 of us back there. It was quite fun but it was an all day thing. Here are some pics:

David, Me, Ryan, CJ, Rennetta, Chef H was taking the pic

Here are some pics from my birthday dinner. The Owensby's came over and we got to play with them. Zad is such a cheeser! Anytime he sees a camera he makes a face. I love this little boy so much. He makes me so happy.

When he saw the red light flash he looked up and cheesed and then went on playing like nothing happened. Funny guy!

I had to make a fondant cake in school and did an "Alice in Wonderland" themed one. It was fun to use the airbrush and I am definitely getting one for myself.

Here is my chocolate box. It's a little ghetto blaster, complete with batteries in the back.

Hopefully I will be able to post more in the coming weeks if life doesn't get too crazy.

Awesomeness in Chocolate

At school I had to do an amenity project out of chocolate, so I decided what better way to represent adoption than in CHOCOLATE!!!!!

I traced Zadok's handprint and filled it with white chocolate. I made 3 of them because his fingers kept breaking. I finally got smart and made the hand thicker and then reinforced the cute chubby fingers from the back with more chocolate.

I had so much fun doing this project and I got an "A"! My chef loved the way it flowed and how personal it was to me.

Late...but still....Birthmother's Day 2010

This Birthmother's Day the Owensby's and I went to Fajitas. Just like we did last year. This year though, I realized I wasn't so nervous about it. Last year it was all new to me and I didn't really know how to act around them. This year, well this year was different. I wasn't nervous and just acted like myself. It was great! Here are a few pics from that day. They bought this shirt from the r house couture and I absolutely adore it!!!

We took a pic like this last year. I think it should be part of the tradition.

He bonked his melon earlier in the day and got a raspberry looking bump on his forehead.

Long Time No See

Oh I have been so busy lately! The Wilkins came down this weekend for a funeral and I was able to play with Drew and Beau, who by the way are such big boys! They are so fun to play with.

School has been keeping me busy as well. I can't tell you all how much fun I am having. I haven't been this happy in YEARS!!!!!!! I am in Meat Fabrication and Saucier right now. This means that I am fabricating meat, fish and poultry and I am making many different stocks and sauces. The next class I go to is Advanced Baking. WOOHOO!!! I can't wait!

The past few weeks, while I was alone, was hard. The twins moved and my mom went to help with it. I had too much time to think of how sad I was that they were gone. I prayed that the Lord would help me and how quickly my sadness went away. I still miss them a lot, but I know I will get to visit them soon. Monica and Kali send pics/videos all the time so I can see how big they are getting.

Zadok is getting so big! He's walking all over the place and loves the cupboards full of stuff to take out. He gives great kisses! His hair is gorgeous as well. That little man brings me so much joy! I am so thankful that I found his momma and daddy and that we have such an awesome relationship. I couldn't ask for more from Steve and Angie.

Friends...How many of us have them?

I have "friends" and then I have real friends. Ones that care about me and want me to be happy. My "friends" are gone from my life because I don't need them talking about me or my real friends and I don't need to keep coddling them. So they are GONE!!!! I'm off to a better life!

Honesty

I have decided to share more of my honesty

with the world...

to be continued.........

New Routines

My routine for the last couple of years has been go to sleep between 9-11, wake up at 7:30 am, get ready and leave by 8-8:15, be to work by 9, leave at 5ish, get home by 6ish, play with the twins, play on the computer, watch tv and go to bed again.

On February 6th, I started a new routine. I go to sleep between 7:30 and 8:30, wake up at 5 am, get ready and leave by 6, be to school by 7, start at 7:30, leave between 2-3, get home between 3-4, play with the twins, do homework, maybe cook something new, and go to sleep again.

I LOVE IT!!! I have never been much of a morning person but going to school and being in the kitchen first thing in the morning is AWESOME! It's so much fun, a lot of hard work, but fun.

The first day of class was like an orientation, the second and third day we were in the kitchen with our brand spanking new awesome knife set learning cutting techniques. Then on Friday, were cooking!!!!!!

Here's a list of what we have made in the last 3 weeks:

Glazed Carrots

Braised Cabbage - I am not a fan of this

Mushroom Duxelles

Spinach Salad and Dressing

Caesar Salad and Dressing

Vinaigrette

Mayonnaise - not a fan

Court Bouillion

Au Gratin Potatoes

Duchesse Potatoes - AWESOME!

Potatoes Anna

Rice Pilaf

Risotto - Loved, Made a Mushroom and Brie Risotto

with Baked Chicken for the fam

Polenta - Loved

Tomato Sauce

Alfredo Sauce - Loved! Made a Fetuccini Alfredo Dinner

for my family and The Owensby's.

Pesto Sauce

White Stock

Brown Stock

Espagnole Sauce - not a fan

Demi-Glace

Bechamel Sauce

Mornay Sauce

Soubise Sauce

Veloute Sauce

Supreme Sauce

Allemande Sauce

Hollandaise Sauce

Buerre Blanc

Red Bell Pepper Coulis - Very good

Marchands de Vin Sauce

Robert Sauce

Chasseur Sauce - So Lovely!

Port Cherry Sauce - Gross

Bernaise Sauce

Next week we start off with soups and on Wednesday we learn to fabricate fish. Gross. I am so not looking forward to it. We will be playing with round fish, flat fish, mussels, clams, oysters, shrimp and lobsters. I haven't ever liked fish, but decided that maybe I will start trying it at school. It's free and if I don't like, I throw it and don't feel bad. I tried Mahi Mahi with a mango salsa the other day and was pleasantly surprised. It was good.

The Vent

So I've been thinking a lot about the past year and all I have gone through. Lots of crazy stuff! Giving birth, placing him for adoption 13 days later, having the privilege of an open adoption, people talking about "our adoption", school, work....SO MANY THINGS!!!!

One of the things that has really irked me this year is how people keep saying that I'm spoiled because I get to see Zad a lot.

I'M NOT SPOILED!!!!

QUIT SAYING THAT!!!!

I'm here to say that what Steve, Angie and I have, our relationship, is real. They love me and want me to be happy and succeed. I know this with all of my heart.

I'm in a good place in my life and they see that. I know that when I need them, I can call on them and they know that if they need anything from me, they can call on me. When they need a babysitter, I babysit. They don't always call me to do this. There are other people who do it as well. If I hadn't have chosen them to be Zad's parents, we would still be friends.

We have so many things in common, as do our families.

I'm tired of people telling me that it's so nice that I still get to see him.

!!!DUH DOOFIS!!!

You think I don't know that! I'm the one who chose to place him so he would have an eternal family because I didn't know when I could provide that. When I do get married and have children of my own, I don't know how often I will be able to see him. Things in their life could change and I don't know how often I would get to see him. I'm taking every chance I can right now to see him. Some people may think that because I get to see him more than other birth mothers get to see their children that it hurts less. No it doesn't.

Plain and simple, it doesn't.

My caseworkers have been been awesome through this whole process. I don't know what I would do without Sharon and Audra in my life. They have helped to let me know that it is hard and that I can get through this. The Lord will surely bless these women for helping birth mothers through this process and being there for them when we need it. Audra had to go to Georgia for 6 months, so Sharon is pretty much in charge of all of the birth mothers and has done a wonderful job spreading the love. I love you two!

I'm not going to apologize to anyone for how this has turned out. If the Lord didn't think it was right, then it wouldn't be this great.

This is a scramble to read and now I'm done.

I love the Owensby's!

2009 in Pictures

I put these up backwards so you will have to act like you are rewinding my life...

When I got off the plane from Portland, I called my mom to tell her I had landed. She didn't answer. I called Monica and she said that my mom should be there. As I as walking past security, I saw what looked like my mom with a baby on her lap, but then I saw two blonde people on either side of her and figured that wasn't her. When I got closer, I realized it was Zaddy sitting on her lap and Steve and Angie beside her!!! I waved to Z and said, "Hi Bubba!", he looked at me and then realized who I was and gave me a GINORMOUS smile!

Happy New Year to me!

Those of you who know me, know that I DO NOT eat fish. Well, I figured that since I was so close to the coast, it would probably be fresh and it was GOOOOD!

This is where I recommend you to go and eat if you ever find yourself in the Portland airport, between gates C7 and C8.



Beau has learned to climb the steps!

When I caught him up there, he turned and waved to me.

There he goes!

These next 3 pics so funny! Drew was so excited that we were having a "birthday" party. I think he even said something about HIS birthday party. He loved the popper things and he loved the noisemakers as you can see here.

YEAR!

NEW

HAPPY

Gina and I and the kids took a little trip to the Tillamook Cheese Factory in Tillamook, OR. I was in CHEESE HEAVEN!!!

Christmas Day

Christmas Day

Steve and Angie gave me this ornament with Zad's handprint. He has huge hands so the entire thing was taken up by his bear cub paw print.

I babysat Z while his parents went Christmas shopping.

LET ME OUT!

Angie said he loves his little lion toys!

Here is Liahona's "Pretty Smile"

Monica used a blow dryer on Levu's hair and he turned out looking like Pedro from

Napoleon Dynamite.

Flying Zad

Hey ese, whas happening?

We had Thanksgiving early because the Wilkins were moving to Portland. At the same time, the Varos had a little Fijiian ceremony type thing.

Steve and Zad

Angie and Zad

Lia in her outfit. She looked so cute!

Levu and Siteri, Kali's mom who came to visit from Fiji for a couple of months. Monica bought some little warrior tools for this and Levu looked adorable!

I babysat Z on Halloween while his parents went to a wedding. It was so fun! This wig was hanging up and I decided to see what he would look like.

Baby Slash!

This was just before the wig.

We went to Texas Roadhouse for my niece Soleil's 16th birthday in October. I can't believe she's 16!!

My mom and Drewfy.

Gina and Beau at the annual Halloween party.

The doughnut on a string for the bebes. Levu, Liahona, Clark and Eve.

Pirate Z and his daddy

Auntie Monica helping pirate Z with a lovely Krispy Kreme.

After one of the outreach panels we did, Angie and I went to the movies. Zad looked so cute. Of course it was dark so his eye got HUGE when the flash went off.

Zadok's blessing day. The Owensby's invited all of my family to the blessing and most of 60 or so that live in Arizona came to see this special day.

This will be one of my favorite pictures of all time. This is the day that Zadok Paul was sealed for eternity to his mommy and daddy. I was able to be at the altar while this sealing took place and will never forget that feeling.

The next day his curls were gone!

I got to have Z come and stay with me for a couple of days while his parents went "out of town". It was a lot of fun and the twins loved to have their cousin around.

He is sooooo adorable!

My cousin Erin and I went to Utah for the National FSA Conference and on the way home, Angie invited us to stop by her parents house to see them. Her brother Mac had just come home from is mission so I was able to meet him too.

Oh the pain of being dipped in the lake!

4th of July weekend, the Owensbys invited me to go on vacation with them and Angie's parents up at Lake Powell on their houseboat. It was so much fun!

After he got used to the water, Z was screeching and splashing!

Floating in the river

His first haircut

Look at those cheeks and lips!

ADORABLE!

This was on Birthmother's Day. We went to Glendale and did our first panel for an adoption academy. Afterward, we went to Fajitas in Phoenix. That is a wonderful place!

Handsome in his Easter outfit.

My sister Gina, brother-in-law Dustin and my nephew Drew went for a visit. Drew loved baby Zad.

Look at his hair!

They were sooo tiny!

I loved his profile, I still do!

February 2o, 2009. This is the day that I signed my rights away as Zadok's mother. It was hard to do, but I knew it was the best thing for him. He needed a mother and father who he could be sealed to and who could give him everything he could ever dream of.

I found that in Steve and Angie.

The Lips!

This was a visit where my niece Soleil first met Steve, Angie and Zad.

Zad's daddy, Steve

Zad's mommy, Angie

This was February 2, 2009. Placement Night. I had to pray very hard that I would be able to make it through this night. Steve and Angie were so caring and worried about me that I was a lot more comfortable in their home. As I placed Zadok in their arms, a hush came over the whole house, it was as if just us four were the only ones there.

This is just before we left their house the day after our first "interview". Angie's mom, Susan, asked if she could take a picture of me and the baby. I thought it was cute. A couple of minutes later, I would be back in this same place telling Steve and Angie that they would soon be parenting this sweet little spirit.

Angie feeding Z for the first time.

He was so tiny!

The day before placement, taking some time with him.

I love this little man!

His hair would get CURLY when wet and then dry straight as an arrow! It was crazy!

The day we came home from the hospital. When Monica brought them out from their nap, they both smiled at Z (then his name was Quinton) as if they remembered him from Heaven. It was so sweet.

Half Naked boy.

On the way home from the hospital

Squishy Face

I just thought this was the cutest face

Again the hair is amazing!

Little Red Man

His lips have always been so awesome!

My swollen ankle and foot! My toes look like little tootsie rolls!

This was taken on December 19, 2008. I didn't think I was that big. I was wrong!

It's a boy!

Sweet baby boy!

He looks like a little baby alien.

So there it is folks. My year in pictures.